Tracy Fields Counselling

Introverts and the Problem with Privacy- Part One

A common behaviour of introverts is that we tend to be more private. We often get lost in our thoughts and have a deep inner world. It’s hard to share a deep inner world.

Having a deep inner world is actually a really great thing but there can be a downside. We might not be sharing enough with the people we love and care about.

And there’s also a good chance that you are avoiding anything that might start a conflict. So you don’t tell your partner that your feelings are hurt by a comment that was made. You don’t tell your partner about something you want to do because it might not go over well. You make decisions on your own without talking with your partner about it.

This makes your partner pretty mad.

This also hurts your partner’s feelings.

This makes your partner feel left out, not needed.

I don’t write this to make you feel bad about your actions. I am equally as guilty.

What I do know is that if we, as introverts, stay too private, it actually damages our relationships. And it’s important that we own our part in this.

And I get that it’s scary to open up a bit more, especially if you’ve had years and years and years of keeping so much inside. Where the heck do you start??

But if you want better connections with your partner, kids, friends, being more open is how that happens.

But not with everyone. This is not advice on how to be extroverted. What I mean is telling your partner how you are feeling, pushing past your comfort zone.

It’s telling a friend that you are really struggling. Or telling the friend about this super great idea you’ve been thinking about.

It’s telling your sister that you can’t do that thing you already agreed to do.

Why do you need to do this?

The more you keep inside, the less you have to share. And if there is something you aren’t sharing to avoid conflict, the more you censor yourself. The more you censor, the less you have to talk about.

Too much privacy leads to too much isolation.

It’s letting the people that you really care about get to know you better. And as an introvert, that likely means only a very selective few.

Take a bit of time to reflect on who is waiting to hear more from you, who really wants to be in your life more?