Tracy Fields Counselling

Am I an Introvert?

I remember the day I discovered I was introverted. I was attending university, finishing off a few courses in my grad program. I had a break between classes so decided to browse the book store.

I love being in the quietness of bookstores.

I love the abundance of books.

I love the abundance of stories, facts, and interesting things I know nothing about.

And of course, I love the smell of books, who doesn’t??

On this particular day of browsing, I came across a book about quiet people.

I had never seen anything written about quiet people. This was back in 2012 when introversion was still not well known.

In fact, in hindsight, I actually thought there were not others like me.

I reached for the book, not really knowing what to expect but feeling hopeful that there might be some answers to the question that had plagued me for many years: “Why are you so quiet?”

As I scanned the table of contents, I knew I had come across something that was important. Very quickly I saw my experience of being a quiet person reflected in the author’s words. It was a relief to know that someone else could explain why I was so quiet.

And the answer: I’m an introvert.

So what exactly is an introvert?

Here are the basic facts about introversion:

  • We need alone time
  • We easily become drained by social interactions- the more people, the quicker this happens
  • We tend to avoid conflict if at all possible

As I continue to support Introverted people with such things as anxiety, stress, relationship issues, and work, I have deepened my learning of introversion.

Here are a few other things that often come with introversion:

  • You are more sensitive
  • You are private
  • You only open up to a few people in your life
  • You are very good at what you do- work wise
  • You are independent

The next thing I want you to notice is what’s missing from the above descriptions. In the past and to some extent now, introversion has been seen as a negative. Introversion was associated with words like stand-offish, cold, rude, anti-social. None of these words have anything to do with being an introvert. Anyone can behave in this manner.

But when some people discover they are introverted, they feel a sense of despair, failure. When introversion has been viewed as a negative, some people aren’t so keen about finding this out about themselves.

When I first discovered I was introverted, there was relief. I now had information that made sense of my behaviour.

And this was followed by feeling discouraged. I was told in many ways and many times being quiet was not okay. So I had to sit with this discomfort for awhile. Once I accepted that this was who I am, I was then able to see the positive things that go with being quiet.

My two most favorite things about being quiet is:

  1. I can enjoy my own company
  2. I can see complexity which helps me to appreciate the ways we can struggle