Tracy Fields Counselling

The Three Most Common Reasons Friendships Fail for Introverts

Before we start, let’s take a quiz to see how well you understand why you might be struggling with friendships.

Do you think, as an introvert, that you have struggled with friendships because you’re not likeable? True or False.

Do you think, as an introvert, that you have struggled with friendships because you’re not outgoing enough?
True or False.

Do you think, as an introvert, thay you have struggled with friendships because there is something wrong with you?
True or False.

The answers:

The answers are all false. Introverts are just as likeable as extroverts; being outgoing is not a quality everyone is looking for in a friendship, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you because you are quiet.

Often introverts struggle with friendships because we feel bad about who we are. It’s hard to make and maintain friendships when we don’t see our value.

Here are the three most common reasons friendships fail for introverts:

  1. We wait to be invited. This means we notice people we would like to get to know but we don’t ask if they want to get together. And if this person doesn’t reach out either, no connection is made.
  2. When we are with people, we are kind, polite, and listen well but don’t really share anything personal. It’s hard for others to connect with us if we don’t show enough of ourselves.
  3. We make friends with people that aren’t the right fit for us. When this happens, there isn’t enough in common to sustain the relationship so it doesn’t survive.

One last point about why friendships can be difficult for introverts is that sometimes we make friends with others who are looking for someone to listen to them. The person is not interested in what you have to say. I’ve made this friend a few times, and as soon as I start to ask for what I needed, I quickly learned that the person was not interested in me. So eventually, the relationship ended.

Introverted tip to make friends

My suggestion is to take some time to reflect on why you have struggled with making friends. It may be that you hold yourself back for fear of rejection or have made friends with people that haven’t treated you well.

Once you have gained some clarity on this, the next issue that may show up is; How do you make friends with people that treat you well and who you really like.

I’ll address that in the next blog 

If you think you could use a bit of help with issues that show up around friends, please join my waitlist to be notified when my online course is ready; Building Better Relationships; Introvert Style