Tracy Fields Counselling

Why Introverts Struggle With Conflict

Today is the day Kevin decided to give notice at his job.

Today is the day Tanisha decided to drop out of university to travel.

Today is the day Matt decided to break up with his partner.

And then the day passed…

Kevin didn’t give notice because he worried it would cause extra stress to his co-workers and manager.

Tanisha didn’t drop out of university to pursue travelling because she didn’t want to disappoint her parents.

Matt didn’t end the relationship because he didn’t want to hurt his partner’s feelings.

What do these three have in common?

They’re all introverts who struggle with conflict. It’s very common for introverts to avoid conflict- unless they are advocating for others.

When it comes to making themselves a priority, they often struggle with this. It causes us so much stress if we think we will cause others’ stress. We essentially take care of others by not voicing our needs.

At times we feel relieved because we avoided that difficult conversation. We might even feel proud of ourselves that we’re such great peacekeepers. 

But it’s a short term gain that doesn’t fix anything.

Kevin stays at a job that no longer lights him up.

Tanisha convinced herself that travelling was foolish and it’s best to be serious and get on with university.

Matt still makes plans to break up with his partner but doesn’t follow through.

What’s the cost?

When we give up on what we need to avoid conflict, we become familiar with living a life that doesn’t feel good for us. We show up at work but aren’t really there. When other desires show up we talk ourselves out of it. When we get closer to ending a relationship, we talk ourselves out of it.

Eventually, if we continue on this path, depression, anxiety, and self-doubt can set in. Now we are also struggling with these issues.

I want to let you know it doesn’t have to be this way. Even though it can be hard to manage conflict, introverts can learn the skill. And it’s a really important skill to learn. To help with this, I have put together a mini online course for introverts to deal with conflict. To learn more click here: Online Course