Sometimes as Highly Sensitive people, we are pulled towards others that are suffering. Because of our need to be helpful we often end up in relationships with people who need help.
At first it can feel quite good to be supportive to someone we care deeply about. We see their struggle and know intuitively what to do to be helpful.
Sometimes we do this so effortlessly that our partner, friend, or boss, doesn’t even recognize how we are taking care of them. But if this person we are in a relationship with continues to need more and more, regardless of how much we give, we can start to feel burned out.
In this state of exhaustion, some of us will quietly exit the relationship. This might be quitting the job without anyone knowing how unhappy you have been. It might be packing up your bags and moving out as this feels like the safest way to leave. It might be avoiding texts from a friend or family member and allowing the relationship to dissolve without conflict.
Sometimes because of our caring nature, we match with people that have endless needs and demand so much from us.
For a while we do whatever we can to make it work, making sure all their needs are met. But then we start to see the pattern that no matter what we do, it’s never enough.
For a period of time it can feel like we failed. How could things not work out with how much we gave? Did we miss something that would have made things work out better? Could we have given more? Could we have been more available?
At this point, there is a choice to make. Do we allow ourselves to see the pattern of one person giving too much and one person not giving enough? Or do we blame ourselves or the other person and ignore our side of the pattern?
It’s a common pattern of highly sensitive people, to over-extend in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give back nearly enough.
If this resonates with you, what relationships are you over-giving in? Do you feel ready to pull back at all, making space for your needs? If this is where you are right now, be gentle with yourself. Change is hard, and important. As much as you can, try not to judge yourself for giving too much.
Judging ourselves only helps keep the behavior in place.