I’m guessing when you read this question, you want to automatically say, yes, of course I can feel joy.
But joy can actually be a hard emotion for highly sensitive people to allow in. There are multiple reasons for this.
When we read stories of human suffering, or know of a family member, co-worker, or friend going through a tough situation, we can absorb what they are feeling. When this happens there is no real space for joy.
And we also can feel guilty for things in our life going well when others are suffering.
Some of us grew up in families where joy wasn’t tolerated. This was true for me – I grew up in a blue collar family where hard work was seen as having the most value. And this left little space for joy.
Another reason is that joy is quite an intense emotion, so even though it feels good it’s also overwhelming.
When my highly sensitive son was turning 4, I started talking to him about his birthday party. I love celebrating my kids’ birthdays and wanted him to know how excited I was with his birthday coming up.
The more I talked about his birthday, the more anxious and shut down he became. This was about the same time that I was learning about highly sensitive people so I was able to figure out what was happening for him. He was excited about his birthday but needed it to be low stimulus. So I stopped talking about it as much so he could experience his birthday in a way that felt best for him.
How we experience joy looks different from non-sensitive people which has often resulted in being judged for the joy quietly showing up. A more extroverted person will have big positive energy when they feel joy. They can name why they are excited and talk about it in great detail. This is seen as the norm.
But joy can also be felt and expressed quietly. This is the norm for highly sensitive people.
How to learn to let more joy into your life:
Take some time to reflect on what brings you joy. It can be small things like coming home to the excitement of your pet, morning coffee on a quiet peaceful morning, watching your child or teen learn a new skill, or getting an invite from a friend.
Then when these things are happening, see if you can feel the joy in the moment. It might only last a few seconds to start. The nervous system takes time to adjust to new ways of being so it takes patience to allow this change to happen. The more joy you can tolerate, the more it will come into your life.
What are some things that bring you joy?