This might be one of the more painful issues that HSP’s deal with. Many of us have a long history of friendships ending and gaps where we didn’t have any friends at all.
One of the more painful times in my life was graduating grade 12 with no friends. I was part of a large friend group but was excluded sometime in the first half of grade 12.
I was devastated and so full of shame that I couldn’t bear to try to make friends again for a while.
So instead, I found places to hide away at lunch time, looking like I was busy with school work. I just wanted to disappear into the walls so no one could see that I was on my own. I often went the whole day without talking to anyone. I felt like I was invisible at school as no one seemed to see me or know that I was there.
I did my best to avoid my former friends as this only made me feel worse about myself.
During that time, as I watched other kids hang out with their friends, I determined this meant that I was a terrible person as this is the only way I could make sense of what was happening.
It took me about 20 years to begin to understand why I struggled with friends, and it had nothing to do with being a terrible person.
This is what I learned:
- I didn’t share enough about myself so potential friends didn’t feel a connection with me
- I was nice and polite but never really myself, so again people didn’t feel a connection
- As an HSP, there are some environments that I don’t show up well in which can make it hard to connect to others (groups, loud environments)
- I sensed if someone was lying or subtly being mean and would keep my distance
- As an HSP, I don’t match with many people
This new learning allowed me to heal the parts of myself that felt broken. It allowed me to grieve the times that I didn’t feel like I mattered.
As I let the grief and negative beliefs about myself dissipate, I was then able to build friendships with people who really understand me and how I see the world.
My friend group is small but that’s really all I need as I still need time on my own.
I hope you are well.