When my highly sensitive son was 5, he joined the little league soccer team. As you might imagine, as a highly sensitive kid, he was easily overwhelmed. He spent at least the first few weeks at soccer practice sitting on my lap.
His coach was a kind, patient man who took the time to get to know him and slowly my son joined the team. By the last day of soccer, he was out there playing just like the other kids.
The season wrapped up with a BBQ and I wanted to thank the coach for how he helped my son at the event.
The problem is that I knew I would cry when I told him how much I appreciated his efforts.
And then the next problem that would happen is that my tears would be misinterpreted as something bad had happened.
I had the choice of dealing with the discomfort or not saying anything at all. My usual behavior was to remain silent but I was getting tired of this. It felt like my tears were controlling what I would say or not say.
So I decided to speak the words that were in my heart.
I approached the coach and thanked him for the difference he had made for my son. As I spoke, my voice caught and tears came to my eyes. As this happened, I saw the coach’s look of concern. I decided to keep going and finished what I was saying.
It was awkward but I’m glad I told him the impact he had made.
This is a common frustration that I hear from my clients – tears show up when they are angry, frustrated, grateful, sad…
And the person they are talking to doesn’t really hear what they are saying because once the tears show up, they react to the tears and not the words.
This is especially frustrating when we are angry. Our anger isn’t heard so things don’t shift.
Here are a few tips to help stop the tears from flowing:
- Practice saying what you want out loud by yourself so the emotions can come up. This also helps the nervous system adjust so it can lessen your reaction.
- When you are talking to the person, allow yourself to slow down and breathe. This can keep you grounded which helps to calm down emotions.
- A new one that I’ve started using is imagining tiny vacuums behind my eyes that are sucking back the tears. I know this one sounds a bit strange but I find even the visual of this is helpful.
Do you have any other ways to stop the tears from coming? I would love to hear your insights if you feel called to share.