I’ve read in a few places that the pets that come into our lives have chosen us and are here to help us heal and grow. I love the thought of this but it has left me perplexed at times as to why my big beautiful dog Dave chose me.
Dave is anxious about almost anything. New people, people he knows, sounds, movement, soccer balls…he really can’t manage soccer balls at all. I don’t know why.
We got him when he was just a wee pup so he has no back story as my kids like to say. The question of why is Dave so anxious is frequently asked in my home with no real answer. He’s just like some humans in that we came into the world that way.
This is what Dave is teaching me about anxiety:
Anxiety increases when…
- we don’t have control over our situations
- we don’t know what is happening (why the heck am I at the vet?)
- we feel like we don’t have the tools to manage what is happening
Anxiety decreases when…
- someone is helping to calm us down
- we get back some control
- we don’t feel alone in what we are managing
Here’s an example of this with Dave:
About once a month my boys have their friends over to play poker. There are usually about 6 or 7 of them. They are all very nice young men but are loud.
Dave doesn’t like this at all. As they start to arrive, he paces and pants and panics. Dave has known these young men for the past 4 years, and every time he has the same response.
The solution is for me and him to head downstairs to my room and we hang out on the bed with the door closed. I watch shows on my laptop and also watch his nervous system slowly calm down. After about 45 minutes he is able to relax and fall asleep.
This repeats every time the friends come over.
His anxiety calms when he is away from the perceived danger and in the company of his safe person.
When I think of the different times in my life when my anxiety was high, I felt alone and didn’t really have anyone watching over me.
My point with this post is that anxiety isn’t failure, although it can be quite annoying to deal with. It’s often a sign that we need something different than what is happening.
How might you tend to your anxiety in a way that is nurturing and calming?
If you’re curious about Dave, I sometimes share Dave stories on my Instagram account – feel free to pop in and see what he’s up to! @tracyfieldscounselling